Chanukah is Not Your Christmas Side Dish!

image via flickr user deZengo
image via flickr user deZengo

This post was first published on GroundedParents.com.

Now that the “holiday” season is over, I have a question for all of you folks who celebrate Christmas, in part, by celebrating the holidays and traditions of others. Are you still interested in Judaism or anything remotely related to Jewish culture now that Christmas is over? Does your cultural curiosity extend beyond Judaism? Do you know anything about Kwanzaa? Diwali? Eid?

I’m not sure when it became a mandate of Christmas to celebrate the religious holidays and cultural traditions of others, but the point was hammered home for me on a recent episode of Sid the Science Kid.* Sid’s parents were trying to sell him on celebrating Christmas in cold-as-hell Wisconsin, where his apparently Jewish Aunt Irene celebrates her “holiday” by serving latkes.

image from Wikipedia
image from Wikipedia

First of all, I’m pretty sure that there are three Jews in Wisconsin and two of them are related to me. But, okay, the third is Aunt Irene and she serves latkes. In a shocking turn of events, Sid announces that he would prefer to remain in a warmer locale, open tons of presents and eat ham. He’ll pass on Aunt Irene’s sad serving of tater tots. He wants Christmas. I mean, duh. What Jew didn’t see that coming? Chanukah is a mere blip on the radar of Jewish holidays. Not exactly one of our best. Sure, you celebrate for eight days. Eight days of paltry gifts and drippy wax candles. No one would ever become Jewish to celebrate Chanukah because Chanukah kind of sucks.

If you’re an interfaith family, this post isn’t directed at you. I get it. I understand why you celebrate both. Just one thing that you might consider: if the only Jewish holiday you celebrate is Chanukah…well, your kids might feel like Sid does. It’s telling to me that the only way we know that Sid’s dad is Jewish is because of this episode. Nary a mention the rest of the year.

Here’s another fun fact about Chanukah: The heroes of the story — the Maccabees? Kinda fundamentalist NUT JOBS. So what you’re celebrating is a military victory where some religious Jews tore shit up on the battle field. Think the Taliban. It’s like the Taliban kicked ass and now we’re celebrating with doughnuts and gifts.

What's that sad thing in the background of Christmas? image by flickr user photofish
Image by flickr user photofish

Hey, whatever floats your boat. The only thing that chaps my hide is this notion that your celebration of or interest in Chanukah has anything to do with Judaism. The reason that you’re interested in Chanukah is not because of it’s Jewish significance but because it happens to fall near Christmas. It’s Christmas that compels you to share and connect with others. Not Chanukah. Chanukah is about winning wars and burning oil.

Why do I care? Why am I cranky about what others want to do with Chanukah?

I grew up in a small town with an even smaller Jewish community. Every December, I feel the weight of Christmas bearing down on me and, once again, I’m that weird kid who doesn’t want to write a letter to Santa Claus. I’m the outsider who doesn’t have a Christmas tree, doesn’t eat Christmas dinner and doesn’t live in a house covered in twinkly lights.

image by flickr user Natalie Maynor
Image by flickr user Natalie Maynor

I feel resentful watching the entirety of my cultural heritage reduced to fried potatoes and candles and then absorbed into an ostensibly multicultural celebration of Christmas cheer. If you’re going to appropriate a Jewish holiday, I wish you’d choose something else. I’d like you to respect my autonomy. If nothing else and at the very least, I’d like you to understand that Chanukah really just kind of sucks.

*This is my best recollection of the episode. Forgive me if Aunt Irene is actually a Muslim living in Kansas.

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About Mamalicious

Writer, storyteller and mother of two living in Washington, DC. Science enthusiast and pop culture vulture. Ally. Feminist. Bitch with the best intentions. Contributor to GroundedParents.com.
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