Last week…ish was World Breastfeeding Week. I celebrated by trying to wean my toddler.
Me: So. I want to talk to you about something. I really think it’s time to wean.
e: Ha! Not a chance lady.
Me: But I feel like this could be an opportunity for you and me to establish some healthy boundaries.
e: Boundaries? That’s a big word, sister. And what about my needs?
Me: I mean, look, the evidence shows that the physical benefits of extended breastfeeding are limited at best.
e: That’s ridiculous. I’m sure this stuff is gold. And what about my emotional needs?
Me: We can still cuddle while you drink milk from a sippy cup.
e: Cuddle? Please, I have a dad and a brother for that. I expect you to bring something more to the table.
Me: Just how long do you think this is going to go on?
e: Stop pressuring me. Don’t you understand child led weaning?
Me: That’s so one kid ago. You know how it goes for the younger kids. Be thankful you have a baby book. Your aunt only got a few pages at the end of mine.
e: I knew I liked that lady. Of your sisters, she’s totally my favorite.
Me: She’s my only sister.
e: Oh. Well, that’s awkward.
Me: Look, I’m ready for a change. It’s not you, it’s me.
e: Of course it’s you. Who else would it be? I’m the center of the universe!
Me: You’re on notice. That’s all I’m saying.
e: Have you talked to Daddy about this? You know, he’s kind of a fan.
Me: Would you consider a bribe?
e: Hmm…I might be persuaded by some TV time. I mean, hey, speaking of questionable evidence…and I love that Elmo guy. I think he’s really going places.